Tuesday, March 8, 2011
I-Am-Pregnant
Ok, the title is really quite deceiving. I am not, in fact pregnant. However, I say this phrase probably once a day. Or I say IAP, or My IAP girls.
When I was pregnant with Thomas, as with both of my other kids, I was hungry for knowledge about my pregnancies. There's nothing like being told that your baby is the size of a piece of rice, like when I 1st looked into my pregnancy online with Andrew. Or a head of cauliflower, like I vividly remember Hannah. So I wanted to read up on what food Thomas was at my week in pregnancy. I typed into Google "I am pregnant" which immediately popped up the website. I browsed around for a little bit. Found my week's group and read some of the posts.
It wasn't until I was a little further along that I started posting stuff. Then I became hooked. Every day I would go on, check the updates, and refresh my page over & over & over again, since it didn't auto refresh. As time went on, we all had things happening, and it seemed like they were happening around the same time for each of us. Even down to the crazy pregnancy cravings.
One day a shock was felt through the forum, as one of our little babies was born way too early. Our hearts broke for the family, and we all prayed for her to grow big & strong. At any given time, there would be people checking in to see how she was. Another mom was expecting twins and put on extreme bed rest, and others had other things they were needing advice, comfort, or a place to vent. We became a close knit family, brought together by our love, hope, and understanding. The little girl born extremely premature is now a healthy thriving toddler, and we all felt the relief and utter joy that she was okay.
The nature of the IAP forum was to be a positive one. Although we could talk about anything we wanted, it was understood that we were to not judge, speak rudely, or insult anyone because of their beliefs, Be it about parenting style, personal choices, or any other hot button topic it was to stay warm & friendly. We didn't avoid discussions, but it was always so great to be able to understand each other without always necessarily agreeing exactly the same. It was nice that, if one of us had a question, we could ask it without fear of being verbally lashed at. Something that, let's admit, is hard for a large group of women to do ;-) But it did. There was only one incident. The reason for it, I can't remember. Somebody who wasn't from our week said something just awful about somebody else. Oh, the way we were bound together that girl didn't have a fighting chance. Coming in and speaking about one of our loved ones like that! Pretty much immediately she was kicked off of the site by the mediator, and it was like we now knew that we really were not just people passing through the internet's vast ocean. We were our own little IAP clan.
As we were getting ready to deliver, all of us feeling the excitement of meeting our newest family member and relieved at the thought of being comfortable again, we realized also that there was a sadness there too. The people who had come to mean so much to us were going to be saying goodbye, since we all weren't going to be pregnant anymore. There is a post pregnancy site there, but the room was really quite small, and the idea of trying to maintain our friendships there wasn't as realistic as we all knew. So girls started exchanging real names for Facebook. I didn't have a Facebook at the time, or one that I actually used, so I didn't add anyone quite yet. But then, as I saw that I really missed everyone, and seeing their babies we had spent so much time getting to know, well quite frankly, it bummed me out.
So, I dusted off the Facebook site, added my picture, and started inviting girls that I saw were friends of each other from there.. Slowly building up my friend's list. I know I missed a lot of them, since even now there's an occasional girl I see who's mutual friends are from there, so I add them. As time's gone on, I have begun to forget their IAP nickname. I've also added, of course, other people to my Facebook. Family, friends, coworkers, anyone willing to put up with my incessant posts.
And since then, of course, we have been able to resume our friendships in our original format. Thanks to one of my good friends on Facebook, who set up the site so that we could all talk like the old days. Only now we don't have to refresh the page. We can get updates without always being on. Although I do find myself lost in conversations for hours, when of course there are many things to be doing.
My IAP girls mean the world to me. I never understood online friendships, or how close they could really become. I never knew that talking to someone without ever hearing their voice doesn't change the fact that you hurt when they're hurting, feel joy when they're smiling, or completely understand the frustration that every other woman goes through, both parental and not. We come from all over the world. We have kids of all ages and stages. Yet we are bound by this incredible journey we have taken together.
Some of the girls have begun adding new members to their family. They have gone back to the I-Am-Pregnant website, excited at the chance to go through their pregnancy with girls their same week. They have gone to their week, and they have tried to have topic discussions. Each one have them have said the same thing-it's just not the same. Since then girls have been added to the IAP site that weren't originally on, and they feel the same way we all have. They love the group, love the friendships, and the support system is phenomenal.
Some day we all hope to meet. It would be so hard, since we are all over the globe..but it would be a goal worth obtaining. We've joked about playing the lottery, or contacting a talk show. Somehow finding a way. I know that if the opportunity ever presents itself, I will be the first one on that plane to meet some of the most incredible women I know! I love my IAP's!!
When I was pregnant with Thomas, as with both of my other kids, I was hungry for knowledge about my pregnancies. There's nothing like being told that your baby is the size of a piece of rice, like when I 1st looked into my pregnancy online with Andrew. Or a head of cauliflower, like I vividly remember Hannah. So I wanted to read up on what food Thomas was at my week in pregnancy. I typed into Google "I am pregnant" which immediately popped up the website. I browsed around for a little bit. Found my week's group and read some of the posts.
It wasn't until I was a little further along that I started posting stuff. Then I became hooked. Every day I would go on, check the updates, and refresh my page over & over & over again, since it didn't auto refresh. As time went on, we all had things happening, and it seemed like they were happening around the same time for each of us. Even down to the crazy pregnancy cravings.
One day a shock was felt through the forum, as one of our little babies was born way too early. Our hearts broke for the family, and we all prayed for her to grow big & strong. At any given time, there would be people checking in to see how she was. Another mom was expecting twins and put on extreme bed rest, and others had other things they were needing advice, comfort, or a place to vent. We became a close knit family, brought together by our love, hope, and understanding. The little girl born extremely premature is now a healthy thriving toddler, and we all felt the relief and utter joy that she was okay.
The nature of the IAP forum was to be a positive one. Although we could talk about anything we wanted, it was understood that we were to not judge, speak rudely, or insult anyone because of their beliefs, Be it about parenting style, personal choices, or any other hot button topic it was to stay warm & friendly. We didn't avoid discussions, but it was always so great to be able to understand each other without always necessarily agreeing exactly the same. It was nice that, if one of us had a question, we could ask it without fear of being verbally lashed at. Something that, let's admit, is hard for a large group of women to do ;-) But it did. There was only one incident. The reason for it, I can't remember. Somebody who wasn't from our week said something just awful about somebody else. Oh, the way we were bound together that girl didn't have a fighting chance. Coming in and speaking about one of our loved ones like that! Pretty much immediately she was kicked off of the site by the mediator, and it was like we now knew that we really were not just people passing through the internet's vast ocean. We were our own little IAP clan.
As we were getting ready to deliver, all of us feeling the excitement of meeting our newest family member and relieved at the thought of being comfortable again, we realized also that there was a sadness there too. The people who had come to mean so much to us were going to be saying goodbye, since we all weren't going to be pregnant anymore. There is a post pregnancy site there, but the room was really quite small, and the idea of trying to maintain our friendships there wasn't as realistic as we all knew. So girls started exchanging real names for Facebook. I didn't have a Facebook at the time, or one that I actually used, so I didn't add anyone quite yet. But then, as I saw that I really missed everyone, and seeing their babies we had spent so much time getting to know, well quite frankly, it bummed me out.
So, I dusted off the Facebook site, added my picture, and started inviting girls that I saw were friends of each other from there.. Slowly building up my friend's list. I know I missed a lot of them, since even now there's an occasional girl I see who's mutual friends are from there, so I add them. As time's gone on, I have begun to forget their IAP nickname. I've also added, of course, other people to my Facebook. Family, friends, coworkers, anyone willing to put up with my incessant posts.
And since then, of course, we have been able to resume our friendships in our original format. Thanks to one of my good friends on Facebook, who set up the site so that we could all talk like the old days. Only now we don't have to refresh the page. We can get updates without always being on. Although I do find myself lost in conversations for hours, when of course there are many things to be doing.
My IAP girls mean the world to me. I never understood online friendships, or how close they could really become. I never knew that talking to someone without ever hearing their voice doesn't change the fact that you hurt when they're hurting, feel joy when they're smiling, or completely understand the frustration that every other woman goes through, both parental and not. We come from all over the world. We have kids of all ages and stages. Yet we are bound by this incredible journey we have taken together.
Some of the girls have begun adding new members to their family. They have gone back to the I-Am-Pregnant website, excited at the chance to go through their pregnancy with girls their same week. They have gone to their week, and they have tried to have topic discussions. Each one have them have said the same thing-it's just not the same. Since then girls have been added to the IAP site that weren't originally on, and they feel the same way we all have. They love the group, love the friendships, and the support system is phenomenal.
Some day we all hope to meet. It would be so hard, since we are all over the globe..but it would be a goal worth obtaining. We've joked about playing the lottery, or contacting a talk show. Somehow finding a way. I know that if the opportunity ever presents itself, I will be the first one on that plane to meet some of the most incredible women I know! I love my IAP's!!
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