Just some thoughts, random but blogged, nonetheless.

It is the 1st day without Roxy here, and it is a strange, strange feeling. Of course, there's those momentary blips of forgetting. Like when the other dogs are taking a drink, and I have to double check to make sure it's not Roxy-she had a bad problem throwing up water after drinking too much, so we had to regulate her.

Or when I went to feed the dogs this morning, that "ugh" part of me sighed as I thought about fighting Roxy in her Bailey Chair...then realizing there was nothing to fight.

Then I remember what a life she had, and how much she really enjoyed this family. How, no matter what, I'm glad for the fact that she was ours and we were hers.  We used to go tell her to "go lay down with your boy" or "go lay down with your girl" when it was nighttime, and she would go in there every night & pick a room to sleep in.

It's a hard thing, losing someone, no matter how big or small they were, how much they talked or didn't, or how behaved or misbehaved they were..

Andrew's taking the day off to recuperate, and Hannah hasn't really dealt with it yet-I'm guessing it will take her own time, but I am praying that she doesn't manifest it into something odd, since her only request afterwards was to "go on the computer" after being told that she couldn't "go see it" referring to Roxy..not her, it.  :(

Steve took a piece of wood & carved Roxy's name, a heart, and a dog bone into it.  We'll be placing it on her grave tonight, as we were waiting for the paint to dry today.  It meant so much to me that he did that, and I think it was therapeutic for Andrew & him.  Hannah wanted to help but I don't think in the same way as a way of healing, though I'm sure it did help even if she didn't realize it.

I feel a shadow of guilt as I look forward to cleaning my carpets & not having to stress about dog puke all over it.  I'm also feeling bad that I'm looking forward in investing in some nicer floor mats, since Roxy had such a bad habit of always throwing up on them.  Guilt mixed with relief, really.

There's peace in knowing she went peacefully.  That those last moments were with her loved ones, in a state of euphoria as she passed away. It makes things easier than dying here because of starvation.  I know that, but gotta get my heart & my mind in sync for this one.  Guess that'll take some time.

So many thanks for all the support in this time.  It was such a help to know that I had good people surrounding us with their thoughts & prayers.