Roxy, Roxy, Roxy..

Andrew & Roxy. "The" Camping Trip
November 2009

Hannah & Roxy 2006

Thomas & Roxy 2010

What can I say about the "dumb dog" as we so often called her.  She really was.  Dumb as a box of rocks, but so in tune with other's emotions that it was easy to forgive her 5 minutes later when she was curled up in the kids bed, giving me that "I'm sorry, Mom" look.  Ohhh, the puppy dog eyes.. She had them down pat.

Roxy came into our lives a little shy of 7 years ago.  She was already 9 months old when we picked her up from the Humane Society.  She actually wasn't the dog I wanted.  I had been scouring http://www.petfinder.com to find that perfect pet, when I came across a feisty black lab that looked like she would be the most fun for the kids, and a great addition to the family.  The only concern for this dog was that she was a fence jumper & that's why the previous owners had to finally send her away.  However, this dog hit a spot in my heart that I just knew I wanted her.  So we all went to the Humane Society that day in the hopes of getting ourselves the perfect black lab.  Yet when we got there, the dog was already gone.  We were given the option of walking through the kennels, so we did just that.  All the dogs looked so sad but none of them seemed right.  Then, for the first time on the trip, the kid's dad was walking towards a kennel. "This is the one" he said.  So we took her to the little play yard, and we threw the ball with her.  She was sweet & kind, and the volunteer told us that she had just gotten there the evening before, and was probably a little shell shocked, but that by being there such a short time her disposition would have been only slightly altered, as opposed to a dog who had been there longer & sort of lost their spirit in such a sad, confined place.  So the matter was settled.  This dog, who's previous name was "Tiva Bear" (yes, please laugh..it's a horrible name) was now going to be ours.  The only thing was, we had to wait until "Tiva Bear" was spayed & brought up to date on all of her shots, so it would be 2 days before we could pick her up from the vet.

Excited with the new addition to the family, we went to Petco & picked out her collar, leash, and all the toys/food/supplies we would need for our newest family member..  The kids & I couldn't stop talking about her, and we all agreed that the name "Tiva Bear" was absolutely out of the question.  We knew very little about the dog, except that she'd been one of many dogs in the previous home, but that she was the only one brought in that day, due to the owner's "inability to provide good care to her."  We also knew that she had passed all of her "tests" with flying colors. She was great with other animals, great with kids..but one little thing-she did really poorly with the little baby test..where they stick one of those simulator babies in front of them & see how she reacts.  She apparently flipped out on that one.  But that was it..all we knew.  Nothing more. So we waited & contemplated name after name after name.  Finally deciding on Roxy Aloha..since I'd liked both names & our collar was Hawaiian inspired, and I have a fondness for yelling out first & middle names so often...Roxy Aloha was it.

The weekend passed sooooo slowly, and then it was time.  I went to the vet alone, since I knew she'd be scared & would want some quiet time to orient herself to us.  We got home, and the poor dog was throwing up the pain meds, so we decided to quit giving them to her.  Once she was off of the medicine, she became the sweeeeetest little dog ever.  To the kids.  To Garett & I, she was ornery & didn't listen.. She'd sneak Hannah's (and only Hannah's) little dress shoes out of her room (Hannah was 3 back then..imagine the cute shoes).  She'd gnaw on them until we'd see her and then the second our backs were turned she'd be in there again.  Oh, and that food we bought?  We'd bought the big big bag that the Humane Society had used.  The expensive stuff..yeah, well she was apparently allergic & got a big rash all over, itching & scratching.  So, to recap..1st week home, bad rash & throwing up.  This would be the story of our lives for the next 7 years..

She'd sneak into the trash-even knew how to open the cupboard for it.  She'd eat anything....anything.  We'd find random Nerf bullets, tennis ball fuzz, bits of Barbie doll clothes in our daily poop patrols.  I once found a box of chocolate pudding ripped up in the back yard that she'd gotten from the pantry, unbeknownst to me.  And how could I know..The laundry door had been closed & the pantry as well.  She'd pushed the door open, pawed the pantry open, gotten it, and found a little corner of the side yard to go to town on it.

She's wasn't potty trained in the least, and she'd get bouts of diarrhea during our food experimentation days in which she'd apparently freak out and start running around Hannah's room, and I mean ALL over..while we were sitting in the very room she'd be going outside to go..after we'd JUST tried to get her out.  She also had this obsessive licking problem.  I mean, obsessive compulsive licking.  She wouldn't stop..couldn't stop.  We'd be sitting on the couch and she'd walk by and just SLURP her way across us all, except sometimes she'd focus on one person, and no matter how many times you'd try & get her to stop, she'd compulsively schluuuuuurp that one extra slurp.  We called it "walk by lickings" I'd catch the kids letting her lick them.  They would never tell her to stop, so sometimes as much as 5 minutes would pass where she'd just lick & lick & lick.  UGH!!  It wasn't until I showed them documented grossness online that they FINALLY gave up on liking it, and stopped deterring my getting her to stop.  She also was a jumper, a rush out the door and two blocks away runner, a leash puller and heavy pawed, to name a few.  Oh, there were so many behaviors wrong with this dog.

Many of these things were worked on, many she was just to dumb to figure out.  Although I will never know for sure if it was ornery or dumb, really.  I know there was so much more I should have been doing with her.  So many training techniques that I never got down, but at the same time she just wasn't one to retain information anyway, and I was going through so much stress.  The second & final separation from the kid's dad, coupled with the fact that I was working odd hours as a waitress while also trying to maintain the feeling of a stay at home mom for my kids.  Trying to get it all done & never really having enough time for any of it. Plus, just sheer lack of commitment to such things from me.  I was bitter & angry.  This was my ex's dog honestly.  He'd picked her out & he'd wanted her. Now that he'd left he left me with the expensive food she required and the horrible behaviors, along with singlehandedly raising 2 young kids, maintaining a job & taking the kids to music, sports, school, helping with homework.  The entire thing.  So I sort of looked at her as a problem, and not much more, for a long time.

Luckily Steve was great with her.  Eventually getting her to stop bolting out the door or jumping on guests.  He knew what to do and although I didn't always agree with his methods, the outcome couldn't be denied-she was a much better dog, and I was able to enjoy her a little more.

However, many of the bad habits persisted.  One of them being a food thief.  If you left  food out, even for a few minutes, she would find a way to get it.  If you left the trash can cupboard door opened even a sliver, she'd get in there and rip up all of the food wrappers, eating every last bit of nasty disgusting food.  One time last year I had gone in to talk to Steve about something in the garage.  I couldn't have been in there for more than 5 minutes, really. When I came back to clean up dinner-there was the evidence.  There had been 2 boxes of pizza-one had 1 or 2 slices in the box still, and the other-an entire large pizza.  Both boxes were ripped from the table and all of the pizza eaten in under 5 minutes! Ugh I was so mad!!!

Then at night, as she lay with the kids, snoring I would see.  She was just a kid, like them.  Always had that mentality, never grew out of it.

There are so many stories..like the time we went camping last year.  Steve had lost his job, but we'd been saving for this camping trip, and we decided, since we had enough emergency backup money set aside, that we were still going to go on this trip to sort of mentally be relieved from all the stresses of closing down the business.  We also decided to bring both the dogs, despite the fact that we had a 5 month old.  I tell you, that dog was the only thing to go wrong the whole entire trip!  She chewed through the leash we had her tethered to (on an at least 20 foot runner!). She refused to go to the bathroom at camp or walking around on the leash, but there was no way we were going to let her off to go, since the one time we tried she took 20 minutes to explore, never going & almost getting us caught by rangers.  She wouldn't listen on walks, yanked my arm around, killed my shoulder. Every time we'd put her on her "gentle leader" collar she'd just gnaw on the leash or stop randomly, tripping me with the baby, so that she could try & pull it off with her paw.

On our way to the 2nd campsite, we had to leave her in the trailer as we drove.  It wasn't the ideal place, but it was all we could do for her, and she didn't seem to mind it, since we stopped often to check on the dogs. (Note, I said stopped often, stretched & tried to get them to go potty)  Well, when we stopped one of the times, apparently that 3 days worth of not going had taken it's toll on Roxy, and she went.  All. Over. The. Trailer.  It was so much pent up pee &  poo that it soaked through the carpet & got into the wood.  Steve ended up having to pull out that carpet, and we spent the rest of the trip cold with no floor insulation in November, and nauseous due to the smell.

Shortly after that, on one of our excursions, she ran so far away in a field and down a big hill that there was that brief second of "Should we leave her" followed by the direct thought "No, Hannah would kill us."  haha.. So we waited and called her and she finally came back, and from that point forward we had a hard time not resenting every little thing she did on that trip.

So as much as this dog has been great for the kids, as much love as she gives & how unconditionally amazing she is to all 3 of them, she has been a huge burden on me.  From the expensive food, to sneaking into everything, never telling us she has to go to the bathroom and just GOING right in front of us (I do, of course, take her out regularly, but sometimes she still of course has to go).  Between the stresses of divorce, a new baby, Steve losing his job, and the never ending whirlwind of activities around here, I felt guilty that a small wave of relief washes over me now.  It's awful.  I didn't even get sad until I made that 1st appointment. It all just felt so mechanical & I was overthinking the process.  But after that phone call to discuss options I sat there & cried, sobbed.  But now, now that we'd cancelled & the reinstated a time to euthanize her, I'm feeling frustrated at the level of absolute pain in the butt this dog put me through.

From the very beginning she has been an absolute chore to doggy parent.  She's stressed me out, made me want to beat her (and I'm not a beater, I tell you). Made me think it was time to let her go, then gave us false hope. Made me go back & forth with how much to take care of her & how much to just let go & put her down..made me have to decide that, even as she wags her tail, she's skin & bones and dying slowly from the inside out, with a cheery look on her face.  Forcing us to end her life way too prematurely, because of something that might or might not have been her own doing with all the bad behaviors over the years.

I know, I know I'll miss her.  I will.  As time goes on, all those memories of her will become whimsy & lighthearted.  The camping trip won't seem like it was such a big deal, and the way she drove me crazy will be romanticized into something resembling a liking for it.

I love her dearly, I do. I love the way she was a part of my kid's life, of mine. She helped them deal with the loss of their dad here every night-to cope with the divorce. She taught them discipline by caring for another being, gave them unconditional love, and opened up avenues that otherwise wouldn't be there for them now. She's been such an amazing dog for Thomas, too. Even though she didn't pass those tests at the Humane Society for little babies, it never showed up when we brought him home.  She was kind & gentle & has always been good around him.  I am thankful in so many ways for what she brought this family, and I don't doubt she was meant to be ours, but oh my, what a ride it has been.