It seems to be the assumption that once a child reaches school age, the work of the stay at home mom is done, allowing the obvious transition into working outside the home again. Those who do not accept this and comply are judged and basically reduced to bon-bon eating, soap watching women, who laze about in sweats all day.
Why is it that in this day and age a woman can't decide for themselves what their role within the family is? We "housewives" are given the guilt trip of slowing down the progress of women's lib. Articles spit on us, and reality tv perpetuates biased views. We are accused of relying on our husbands to take care of us, and bowing down to their whims so that we can mani/pedi ourselves stupid. I do not know a single stay at home mom like this. We are here because we love what we do and choose to be here. Oh-and if someone wants to mani/pedi themselves stupid, well then, that's their choice too.
The sad thing is, it's not just moms who receive the flack for our choices. I was telling my friend these thoughts and she brought up a great point. What about women who choose not to have kids? Women judge women who don't procreate. They get questioned incessantly about why they don't want babies, and if they're "sure" about not having kids. When did it become an issue to not choose children? Why does it matter so much to those who do have them...and vice-versa?
It doesn't stop there though.. Women are a catty species. They'll judge other women who have too many or too few kids. Even if they have "just enough" someone will judge the age differences between the kids. The way women choose to educate (private/public/home schooling), nourish, reward, or punish their children. The way they treat their illnesses, clothe their family, or the way they enroll or don't in sports, music, or activities in general. Breastmilk or formula, vaccinations, birth plans, circumcisions. The use or non use of electronics, the types of shows other women let their children watch.. Even the way someone plays with their children is up for "discussions" among others!! No matter where we are during our waking hours, someone is judging us.
We as women have missed the mark on our fore-mother's hopes, dreams, and sacrifices towards liberation. We wanted equality, yet we quibble over how it's done. I tell my kids all the time that life and it's related fairness isn't about everything always exactly equal down to the smallest percentage. Life sometimes gives one person more of one thing, and another person more of another. Some have certain talents, while others do not. If everything is always exactly portioned into perfect little slivers, our lives would be B-O-R-I-N-G. We all bring something to this life, and at the end of it all, fair means only that we saw what we had and made the most of while using our talents and working on strengthening our weaknesses. Yet women see differences as wrong, and feel that theirs is clearly the only way. How is this in line with equality and fairness? How does this better our position as women and why should anyone take us seriously? When did being liberated mean having to follow what "everyone else is doing" The very definition of liberate (taken from Dictionary.com) is: to free (a group or individual) from social or economic constraints or discrimination, especially arising from traditional role expectations or bias.
What I choose to do is exactly that. It's a choice. When Thomas is a full time student (and even after he graduates), I will still want to be at home, assuming our situation allows it. I feel joy and satisfaction in being a housewife, and what I contribute here within the home. If I choose to go back to work outside of the home, it will be because I want to, not because I feel obligated to it. That is what liberation was supposed to be about. Freeing ourselves from being slaves to the home and giving us equal rights to men. Slavery is a strong term and justifiably appropriate. There is no question that we were very limited in our options and had no way to change it without these women's fight for us. Yet, in this day and age, if I want to bake a quiche and mend some socks it does not make me any less of a productive member of society, and I resent having it insinuated our said outright.
My wish for the new generation of women's liberation is to free us from the bondage's of judgement. Let's stop worrying about what other women do and how they do it, and start opening our minds to what being truly free to choose means. Let us teach the new generations to be true to themselves and give themselves credit for who they are, rather than what they think someone else thinks they're not.
