Love

I can say, with perfect certainty, that my life is flying by faster than everyone else's. Okay. It's a tad unrealistic-as Father Time waits for no man, woman, or child. However, because of this crazy hectic family we have here, it feels like my life is whizzing by me. I try desperately to hang onto it. I frame my pictures & post little quips online about 1sts, lasts, and all that is in-between. I stop often, caught up in the moment we are experiencing, and watch it as though my mind can capture the moment forever in it's exact form. I sniff the air & touch the life around me hoping to capture the essence of every bit of it. Yet, somehow, the ability to truly slow things to a snail's pace is absolutely impossible.

I watch Andrew-the child in him slowly drifting away-leaving in my little boy's place, a man. The smallness of his feet replaced by something that resembles his father's. I can easily slip my foot into his shoes & they fit as though they are my own. His voice, although still young, is beginning to do that wonderful thing all boy's voices do. He answers the phone, and I hear him say 'No, this is Andrew-but here's Mom' & I know that he is in that in-between stage. The one where he doesn't sound like a little boy, but he isn't quite the manly man he will be any day now. Peer pressure now doesn't mean liking Spongebob instead of Dora, or ditching the lunch box for a brown paper bag. Now it means watching out for the big stuff-the stuff that will directly affect his life in a serious manner.

Then there's Hannah. Previously my little princess-waltzing about in her pink dresses, tights, Mary Janes, and immaculate hair. Now she steals clothes from her brother-loves all things hippies, and literally takes my breath away as I catch the glimpses of an absolutely gorgeous girl emerging. Not just a little sister, or a big sister-she is her own entity. A wonderful girl who, as the years have progressed, has realized the beauty of behaving, and has allowed me to simply enjoy her, instead of having to loom over her for guidance & corrections.

The two of them are almost too much to bear. As a mother, they are everything one hopes for. In those first weeks of pregnancy the only things you can imagine are all of your hopes & dreams-fresh and loving-pastels & soft fleece gracing your cheek as you imagine these beautiful beings growing in your womb.

And then, as a cherry is to a sundae, so is our beautiful Thomas, who has entered our family with the gusto of, well Tom Tom. At all of one years old, he has reached the age where we really get to know him. His personality so large and lovable, you wish he could have been born earlier, so that you could have enjoyed him sooner. His smile is contagious, his laughter intoxicating. he's a snuggler and a lover-he knows who he wants to hug & he will fight until he gets to.

In him I see all of us. Sometimes, for the most fleeting of seconds, my mind reverts to those little moments of Andrew & Hannah's babyhood, and it's like I get to be there all over again with them. Thomas is a gift beyond words, and for every moment I am with him, I am thankful.

I am a firm believer in destiny. In knowing that each path we take is for a reason. Sometimes, in life, just as everyone does, I feel as though a decision I have made has been the wrong one. Then, just as clear as day, I am given a sign that shows me I am right where I am supposed to be.

How is it that I am so lucky to get to be their mom? I am humbled by this, and thankful that I was entrusted the job of raising them. I vowed, the moment that I found out that I was pregnant with Andrew, that I would arm myself with all that I could to ensure his life was one of honesty, purity, and above all else, an environment he would be able to grow into a good, kind man. That promise has never been forgotten, and as Hannah & Thomas joined our family, the same promise was made to them as well.

I am, without a doubt, undeniably in love.